It’s no secret that they key to mental clarity, productivity and overall physical health is allowing the body to rest, relax and recover from the stress and business that permeates into everyday life.
However relaxation is sometimes seen as such a luxury, that we feel guilty for allowing ourselves to partake in some downtime.
As a child I was blissfully unaware that guilting over relaxation was even a thing. As much as I was highly active and energetic when I stopped I really stopped and listened to my body. If I was tired, I’d sit down in front of the computer and spend a few hours decorating Barbie as Rapunzel’s castle (old school PC games were my childhood). If I was exhausted I’d make myself a bed on the lounge out of old blankets and pillows and just interchangably read or watch tv. Sometimes mum and I would drag the spare mattress into the family room and ‘camp-out’ there for a week or so. Good times!
My pillow/blanket forts were never this fancy! Oh well, it never hurts to have aspirations
Not once did I feel guilty or second guess my actions. I never felt like I ‘should’ be outside when I was inside, like I ‘should’ve’ been running around instead of sitting (or lying) down. Intuitively I knew that before long my energy levels would be restored and I’d be back on my bike or over on the swings at the park. I’d run around all day at school during the week and belonged to several sporting teams. I was comfortable in my own skin and practiced what felt like the perfect balance between physical activity and rest.
As I got older though I lost this admirable ability to enjoy rest and relaxation unless I was bone tired or so sick that I could barely walk. If I was just a little tired, or just in need of a little rest, I’d resist.
Why or how this started I’m not entirely sure. Perhaps it was the teachers that would talk about working hard and not being slack. Maybe it was that toxic comparison thing, where I’d see others as doing ‘twice as much’ as me (whether they actually were or whether that was just my perception I’ll never know), and feel guilty for not doing more than I was. My mentality was that I ‘should’ be doing homework or be off on a walk. I ‘should’ be doing household chores or re-ordering or organising something. If I found that I had downtime I was ‘doing it wrong’.
This sounds so harsh. And irrational … sooooooo irrational! Yet I get the feeling that I am not alone. Today I want to reframe relaxation and share with you the recent mindset shift that has allowed me to relish in some much needed (and well deserved) ‘downtime’.
Revelation #1
When I was little I didn’t analyse what was ‘relaxation’ and what was ‘productivity’. I simply did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Now I know this sounds quite selfish, but really, when you think about it, it’s genious! There will always be times in our lives when we don’t have the luxury of meeting our needs instantly. When we have the time and ability to listen to our bodies, I say let’s do it.
Revelation #2
Relaxation does not necessarily need to mean stillness, but rather feeling free in the moment. I can be just as relaxed and in a meditative state when I’m jogging as when I’m holding ‘happy baby’s pose’. I can be just as relaxed spending time in the kitchen baking (at my own pace – no masterchef timer in my kitchen), as when I’m lying on my bed reading a book. Relaxation is not feeling pressured or obligated. Relaxation is having the time to do what you want to do, in the order you want to do it.
So how do we start to relax?
Identify and eliminate your personal triggers for unecasary guilt. With the absence of guilt notice how free you feel to move at your own pace. This is what I percieve to be true relaxation.
Identifying your triggers
- Is it comparison? Is there someone in particular, or a group of people that you feel have a whole lot more on their plate than you do, yet they seem to get everything done and appear to be coping just fine.
- Is it frustration with some aspect on your life that you just can’t seem to get right. Is it that whole “I won’t rest until I have achieved (insert goal here)’?
- Is it that, despite how hard your mind works, your physical body doesn’t get enough movement. You feel trapped by soreness and stiffness? It’s that catch 22 between utter mental exhaustion and the physical frustration and restlessness that insues from spending hour, after hour in sedentary positions. A part of you wants to colapse on the couch and another years to go for a brisk walk – and you can’t decide which desire ‘deserves’ to win
I know that these are probably my top three explanations (and it took a long time to admit this) for guilting over downtime.
Eliminating the guilt
Working from the triggers listed above, this is how I found it best to tackle these roadblocks.
I found a quote that says; “don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20”
It resonated with me. I realised that I am doing my own thing and I lead a different life to everyone else around me. Perhaps the reason I am blessed with so much free time at the moment is because the universe is preparing me for a busier time in my life. I have released the guilt of thinking that I need to constantly be busy. That is just a mentaility that modern society has taught us (and modern society isn’t exactly a model of health is it?)
When it comes to the frustration of not having achieved as much as I would’ve liked I like to remind myself that I am in charge of my goals and my progress. When we set out to achieve something, we usually have an idea of a timeframe we’d like to achieve it by. When we don’t meet our self-set deadline we percieve that we have failed. We think that we haven’t worked hard enough on it, dedicated enough time to it. Yet if we just accepted that perhaps it is just meant to take a bit longer or reflected on what we had learned in the time that we had spent on it, we could change our perspectives.
I say ‘we’, as I like to imagine that I am not the only one who has been this harsh themselves, but really, I mean ‘I’. Sometimes I say to myself that I’m going to write a blog post. Two hours later I’ve written what I think is a pretty detailed post but then three hours later I’ve changed my mind and deleted the entire thing as its ‘too long’, ‘too fluffy. You know? Inconclusive, a tad aloof, WTF vibes.
I could conclude that I’ve failed and keep going until the post is ‘perfect’ Alternatively (and much more rationally) I could realise that every word typed and deleted was part of a learning process (and therefore I have permission to stop and relax because that was three hours of learning – just becasue we don’t always have something to show for our efforts, doesn’t mean that the effort wasn’t exerted).
I know that I will feel guilty if I don’t exercise before I start my day. No matter how tired I am, I always feel better if I get out and about before doing anything else – even having breakfast. This morning, for example, the weather was less than inspiring. It was so windy that I could barely run straight and it was raining. Yet I know (from experience) that if I don’t get out there I won’t feel my best.
It was a great resistant exercise and the wind was unusually fresh. I usually detest wind but today I had an uncharacteristic appreciation for it. If I haven’t been active then I can’t properly enjoy sitting down with a friend and enjoy a cuppa or lying on mum’s bed with her and watching a movie. The latter is a rare treat, but I’d LOVE it to be a more regular occurrence.
This was part of my trouble at school. I would sit for hour, after hour in class – and all I could think about was the fact that I wish I had a standing desk or an excuse to leave and go for a brisk stroll to regain my energy levels. There are times when undesired sedentary beahviour is unavoidable but I now avoid it wherever possible and counteract it with extra stretching afterwards.
Some think I’m obsessive about exercise – I see it as intuitative
Identifying my three triggers and taking the steps to eliminate them has helped me to regain an appreciation for downtime.
Relaxation is more than just turning on the telly, indulging in a warming herbal tea or sitting crossed legged repeating meditative “OM” sounds. It is being at ease in all your activities, taking the pressure of yourself to rush and finish jobs fast. It is identifying whether your body wants to sleep, eat, work or move and honouring that intuitive craving without guilt or second guessing.
I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Louise.L.Hay
“My life works perfectly”
When you feel intuitively called to go for a walk, brew a tea, write a letter, have a nap (whatever it is that you feel called to do), just accept that there is a reason for this pull and honour it.
There are many moments in life when you don’t have the luxury of being in a relaxed state, Relish the precious moments where you do.
