Somewhere along the line it became seen as;

• ‘arrogant’ to love-oneself
• ‘selfish’ to indulge in self-care rituals
• ‘optional’ to have self-respect.

Confession: I love myself. Not like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast – just so we’re clear. I don’t sing songs about my chest hair. Probably because I don’t have chest hair. Thank fuck. It would be mighty strange if I did.

I don’t feel arrogant for loving myself. I am kind, adventurous, generous, thoughtful, sensitive, smiley (not to be confused with smelly – well, maybe on occasion), warm and hard-working. I’ve also been told that I’m hilarious, but I’ll let you decide for yourself. I may piss myself off sometimes. But it’s usually when I’m trying too hard to please everyone and/or avoid conflict. And in hindsight, the intentions are endearing.

I don’t feel ‘selfish’ for indulging in self-care. To be fair, I’m talking about showering, washing my face and moving my glorious ass on the daily. I prioritize exercise, sleep, nutrition, socializing, body-boosting* and downtime because the more I care for myself, the more I can care for others. I deserve to feel special and nurtured – we all do!

*adding a drop or two of essential oil and a few spritzes of magnesium spray to a small dish along with your (natural and ethical) moisturizer. Give your whole body a massage with the nourishing concoction that you have just made and say a little thank-you to each body part and tell it why you love it. You might feel ridiculous to begin with, but hang in there because this is the secret weapon to positive self body image

Self-respect ain’t optional y’all! If you don’t respect yourself why should anyone else? I make the best decisions I can in the moment. I strive for greatness. I make mistakes. I learn from them. I tolerate my flaws. I follow gut instincts and I stand up for myself – usually.

As children, we tend to think the world of ourselves, do what we like when we please and have the strongest foundations of self-respect one could ever know. You did not want to mess with 5-year old Rachie-bear.

That said, years of bullying, the influence of peer groups, dis-empowering media channels and discovering the status quo can take its toll on childhood security.

Today is as good as any to adopt some new habits.

The nitty gritty;

Self Love – Write down a list of every little thing that you admire about yourself. Go to town – list as many things as you can.  Now write down the things that you aren’t so proud of. Try to turn each item on the list into a positive. For example, “I’m really unfit” the positive could be “I have no injury, pain or physical limitation – I have the ability to exercise and will make an effort to slowly build up my fitness”.

Self-care – Make time to look after yourself. Your body deserves nourishing food – take time to cook for it (and occasionally splurge on a nourishing meal out where your budget allows). You deserve endorphins – make time to exercise. Your skin deserves moisture and aroma – invest in some ethically natural skincare. Your mind deserves a rest – take 20 minutes out to nap, stretch, read, listen to a podcast or something else that allows you eyes time away from a screen. You deserve time with your friends – plan ahead and book dates and phone calls. You deserve sleep – prioritize your health and get to bed before midnight. You deserve monitoring – find mini-moments in your day to check in – even if this means when you’re on the loo. Some days are like this, let’s be real.

Self-respect – See yourself as your best-friend would see you. Affirm every day a mantra that encourages you to walk a path that prevents anxiety. Mine is “I am an amazing human being. I celebrate life with love, authenticity, integrity, vitality and passion”. If this feels too much, I simply give my liver a pat and thank her for keeping me safe. I can’t embody Louise Hay every day. I’ll settle for organ whisperer.

Learn from my mistakes – between the ages of 10 and 16 I let unreasonable expectations, other’s opinions and media dictate my sense of self-worth. I judged myself. Harshly. It got me nowhere and robbed me of precious time. Time that could’ve been spent teaching myself to budget, meditate or be charismatic in front of the mirror in preparation for a future in standup comedy.

You’ve probably heard this message a zillion times before.

If you’ve been waiting for a sign, here it is.

If you’ve been waiting for permission. Grant it yourself.

If you’ve been putting it off, I’m here to tell you that (take a huge breath) I know, that you know (that he knows, that she knows that every Tom, Dick and Harry knows!) that you deserve better.

As my friend Kimmy  reminds me constantly;

“self-care is not selfish, it’s essential”