Have you ever made a mistake and immediately launched yourself straight into a place of regret, shame and embarrassment?

Yeah? Well that makes two of us!

You’d think after having 19 and a bit years on this planet, I’d have accepted that to learn, I have to make mistakes. But no. For some strange, illogical and irrational reason, the mistakes I make almost always follow with guilt and that ‘I should’ve known better’ attitude.

This is because I can’t stand the idea of hurting, annoying or inconveniencing someone else.

This is a problem because I’m going to continue to hurt, annoy and inconvenience people until the day I day (and then some, because the grieving process, funeral planning and my house full of possessions … well, can you think of anything hurting more than a loved one dying? Inconvenient than dropping everything to plan a funeral? or annoying than having to do a full of spring clean of a house that isn’t even yours?).

Am I making sense here?

Moreover from a place of guilt, is my obsessive drive to make things right. I will drop whatever I’m doing and find a way to say sorry and make things up to the person involved, often thanking them profusely for being a part of a new lesson learned.

I partly appreciate this about myself, it shows that I am sensitive, that I care and that I’m aware of how my thoughts, words and actions can impact upon others. However I’m not okay with how harsh I am on myself. If a friend made a mistake, even if it hurt, inconvenienced or annoyed me, I’d forgive and forget. Actually, if a friend realized the error of their ways and thanked me for helping them learn a lesson, I’d actually be glad that there’d been a period of conflict – it helped them learn so it was worth it.

Some of my biggest mistakes in life, where I’ve scared, hurt, irritated, angered, burdened or offended another person (or at the very least myself), have been the mistakes where I’ve done the most learning.

Let’s ponder some classic examples …

Do you remember that time I made one of my best friends feel “judged”? Well that taught me to be more aware of my non-verbal cues and the way I phrase things.

If I hadn’t become such a care-free, slap-dash student in year 7 (there was a lot going on and I said ‘stuff it’ … temporarily), I may not have become such a dedicated and respectful student in the years that followed.

If I hadn’t accidentally left my spoon in the Vitamix last month and proceeded to blend it up in my smoothie (needless to day the jug exploded and I had to order a new one), I wouldn’t have had the important reminder to be present and thoughtful when cooking (it’s an art that needn’t be rushed).

And let’s not miss out the article I wrote for a friend’s blog last month! It was supposed to be a mixed bag that covered not judging others and generating productivity, among other things. Well that one turned into one big rant about something very personal and it totally lacked definition, substance and the essence of our shared core values.

The poor darling tried editing it, only for both of us to realize that it just wasn’t an appropriate article to be published full stop (and now I feel bad because I’ve wasted her time). This taught me to never write a blog post, for my own blog or anyone else’s, when I’m feeling distressed or confused about a recent encounter. My emotion was high and my intelligence low.

I’m sharing all this because I get the feeling I’m not alone. I know for a fact that far too may times I’ve had a feeling and thought I was the only one, only to talk it out with someone else and have them say “you too, and I thought I was the only one!”. So if you’re like me and hate being in the wrong and just want to make things right, perhaps do what I just did, and make a list of the mistakes you feel guilty about and what you learned from each.

A mistake is never a bad thing unless you choose not to learn from it, but then it’s not really a mistake, but rather a poor choice (which you and I will continue to make as well because we aren’t going to get it right and live above the line all the time). Let go, breather and be gentle with yourself and you grow, learn and evolve. Guilt is a waste of time, and after 19 years, I think I’m ready to accept this.