Oh hello there. You’ve found some very old content. Please read the disclaimer on this page before thinking I’m still a total sheep who has been sucked into a bone-broth worshipping fad diet. Been there, learned from that and am now a much less rigid human.

Let’s be honest, GAPS may be just what the doctor nutritionist ordered, but it’s not without it’s drawbacks, challenges and isolating guidelines.

Here’s a few truths that only those living the GAPS life will truly understand.

It’s boiling hot outside and you’re still downing mug after mug of soup

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No raw salads or smoothies allowed on stage 1-4! Anyone that’s started intro during the summer will have encountered many cases of the ‘broth sweats’.

It’s not so bad though … perspiration is a great detox! If you really want a salad, mash some avocado up and stir through some fermented veggies.

Friends request that you bring your own food to their place for dinner, rather than insisting that they accommodate for you

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Gluten or Dairy free isn’t so hard these days, however grain, gluten, starch, processed dairy, sugar, legume, soy (have I forgotten anything?) free tends to scare people off big time.

It’s not so bad though … it’s heart-breaking when someone tries so hard to accomodate for you, yet they’ve used vegetable oil to cook everything (week!) and seasoned the meal with gluten-containing something (thickener 1422 I’m looking at you!). What are you supposed to do? “Politely’ tell them how sick you’ll get from eating their food… or eat it and actually get sick in their bathroom? (I can’t decide which is more awkward). I’m so much happier when I can just bring my own, it’s so much easier for everyone and we can just get on and have a carefree night.

You start confiding in your gratitude journal that you’re appreciative of your ‘normal’ bowel movement this morning 

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When you’ve known a life of digestive distress and severe abdominal pain, a morning featuring a textbook perfect poo is a major #gratitudejournalmoment

It’s not so bad though … it really puts things in perspective. Who cares about first world problems when they’ve just cleared out a long, healthy sausage dump? Euphoria itself … and may I take this opportunity to welcome the newbies to the blog! How lucky that this is your very first encounter with my borderline-inappropriate honesty.

Hahahaha … my poos (#gratitudejournalmoment)

You can’t understand why people are so disgusted by the idea of eating bone marrow 

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Okay, you can, heck you used to think your mum was cray-cray for getting excited about the fatty cavities of lamb chops – you have since done a 180 and now see the error of your judgements. It’s creamy, comforting and you can “feel” it doing your insides the world of good.

It’s not so bad though … whilst your newfound nutrition habits may make you feel slightly socially isolated (e.g. everyone’s raving about their love for crusty bread and you’re there like, “salted marrow is the bomb diggity my friends”), at least you don’t have to share your quirky delicacies. I’ve never had anyone ask “oh PLEASE Rach, may I try some slow cooked bone marrow?”, more like, “Um, I think I’ll stick with my own meal thanks”.

Your butchers know you by name (and they know that you don’t have a massive dog, the bones really are all for you!)

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Monday is bone day, and my lovely butchers know my order by heart; three beef marrow bones, each in a separate bag, chopped into 6-8 pieces each.

It’s not so bad though … I like being on a first name basis with the meat dudes … there’s something comforting about being seen as a true “local”.

You’re happy having an extra  bowl of cauliflower mash for dessert or maybe even some roast veggies and avocado

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Forget putting carrot in a cake and saying “oh look, I’m practically eating veggies for sweets” (let’s be honest we’ve all used that justification too many times), you are having plain ole’ veggies prepared simply and relishing their natural awesomeness whilst others chow down on ice-cream and cake.

It’s not so bad though … you reframe your idea of a real treat – in fact everything you eat now feels like a treat, simply because it’s prepared with love and the quality is greater. Try giving someone organic broccoli for the first time, they’ll seriously be like; I DIDN”T KNOW GREENS COULD TASTE THIS GOOD!

Looks like dessert to me … what? Just chop open an avo and I’m a happy gal!

You’d rather eat the less popular parts of the animal

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Forget steak, chops and lean mince, I’ll have gelatinous connective tissue, ox tail and chicken thighs puh-lez!

It’s not so bad though … it’s cheaper, you’re making sure that none of the animal goes to waste, and you can chuck it in the slow cooker and forget about it until dinner.

Look at that shiny, juicy, tender oxtail meat – HEAVEN!

You have the nose of a bloodhound and can sense chemical exposure a mile away

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I shitzu not, someone walks into the house wearing perfume and I can smell it from my bedroom – instant nausea! Then there’s deodorant on the train, cigarette smoke along city streets and those gosh-awful plug-in air fresheners in public bathrooms.

It’s not so bad though … it mean’s that our bodies recognise these harmful toxins and signal us to stay away from them. The easier we recognise chemical exposure, the more we will endeavour to stay away from them or at least find ways to counteract their harmful effects; essential oils on a tissue in one pocket, cleansing crystals in the other (even if this is just placebo – it totally makes me feel safer from environmental pollutants)

When someone complains that their GP has told them to give up gluten and its “so hard!”, you have two immediate reactions

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#1 The “Hallelujah” Chorus plays in your head because finally mainstream practitioners are recognising that it’s not just coeliacs that can be affected by this grain-based protein ; and secondly

#2 “Bitch please, you don’t even know the meaning of the word hard … you’ve got your gluten free pasta and bread, buckwheat, rice, quinoa, millet, amaranth, spud, sweet spud, tapioca, corn …. and I have soup, soup,  soup, soup with meat, cold soup, room temp soup, deconstructed soup, and then if I’m really lucky, some mashed cauliflower (which is really just a thick version of cauliflower soup).

It’s not so bad though … I actually don’t think GAPS is that hard at all. And eventually you can eat a lot more than just soup (I just loved the OTTness of the soup point). It’s just funny how different our perspectives are to the rest of the population – if all we had to do was avoid a handful of grains to be healthy, I’m pretty sure we’d feel like we’d won the foodie-lottery!

Though I must admit, if it weren’t for GAPS guidelines, my fave bread recipe would not have been invented – I love this humble loaf!

I better finish up there, but I hope you’ve had as much fun reading this post as I did writing it. The only way to get through GAPS is with optimism, discipline and an open-minded sense of humour.