Soft plastics. Unlike fallen leaves, decomposing bodies and mineral stones, soft plastics neither break down nor healthfully assimilate with the natural environment. This is a pickle for Mother Nature.

I love Mother Nature.

Here’s a cute snap of me hanging out in one of her glorious trees.

She has asked me to have a word with you about ending your long-term love affair with soft plastics. She’s also asked me to use lots of F-bombs to emphasis the seriousness of her plea. I have altered the spelling to protect sensitive eyes. To be clear, it’s pronounced ‘far(k) and far king’.

Every time you say FARK NO to soft plastics, Mamma Nature sends you a feather (or butterfly) sighting as a sign of thanks.

Keep an eye out – a feather and or butterfly WILL find your line of vision soon.

Here’s some suggestions on how to say FARK NO (!) to soft plastics …

• Invest in reusable produce bags to tote your fruit and veg home from the market, green grocers or supermarket in.
• Invest in beeswax wraps for wrapping things like avocado halves or that last muffin that wouldn’t fit in the storage container.
• Take your canvas bags to the supermarket kiddlets!
• Endeavour to have a cloth bag on hand for impulse purchases when out and about. If you forget, don’t buy more than you can carry and thank Mother Nature for gifting you arms and hands for this very purpose.
• Shop at Bulk Food Stores where you can only buy your goodies in paper bags (old school) or recycled containers, jars and bags that you bring from home. The stores weigh them for you so that you aren’t paying for the weight of the storage vessels.
• Choose foods that have their own packaging; apples, narnies (bananas), plantains and avos (avocado) etc.

• If you buy meat, poultry or fish, take containers with you (think pyrex or Tupperware) for them to pop the flesh straight into*.
• Here’s a no-brainer. Don’t farking buy food that comes in fucking soft plastic. If you farking do, make sure it has a farking zip-lock thingamajig and reuse it as much as possible. For example, re-use dry herb and spice packets by re-filling them with herbs and spices purchased at bulk food stores.
• Make your own treats from scratch. This is good for more than just the environment. Your precious bowel flora don’t need the likes of vegetable oil, MSG, glyphosate-laden wheat, GMOs and poor quality table salts and sugars lighting physiological fires in their colonic home! Still not convinced? This resource will show you the light.
• To make homemade treats and snacks (see above tip) you can use ingredients purchased at bulk food stores. You can also purchase biodegradable muffin cases for making muffins, cupcakes and ‘cheats’ bread rolls in.
• If you don’t have time to make food from scratch, farking cancel your Netflix subscription! Gosh that was farking sassy of me! You know that podcasts are free? Right? And you can listen to them whilst you cook and clean up the kitchen. I also listen to them whilst doing puzzles, colouring in, exercising and commuting. That’s a whole other topic but you’re welcome for the tip.

*Ensure these containers have been sterilised in boiling water or cleaned in hot soapy water with an earth-friendly detergent. If they aren’t clean delis, butchers and fish mongers won’t use them due to risk of cross contamination and food poisoning. Even with clean containers, many businesses refuse to abide by your earth-sustaining requests due to food safety laws. A compromise is toting along biodegradable plastic bags – available in the fresh produce section of some supermarkets. The latter option still creates waste but at a lesser cost than single use plastic bags.

• Make your own personal care products or buy certified organic creams, cleansers and lotions that come in glass jars and bottles. You can recycle these jars to keep spices in – another nod to waste-free bulk food stores.
• Bulk food stores also sell cleaning products and hair-care necessities in bulk. Re-fill the containers you already have at home. Alternatively, make your own, unless you’re too busy making all your own food from scratch. Unlike Netflix, this is a valid excuse. Again note my farking on-point sass.
• Tell plastic straws to get farked. You have options; stainless steel, bamboo, wheat straw (which are somehow gluten-free – ahh, the miracles of science). Of course you can always go right ahead and use your mouth like Mummy and Daddy taught you when you graduated from your sippy cup many moons ago. Wow, too far? Nope! I can’t stop it with this sass. Mother Nature is inspiring me!
• When selecting gifts for loved ones, why not give them a homemade voucher. A trip to their favourite cafe (on you), a massage (if you’re good at them), a tarot reading (if you can read tarot) or insert-your-skill-of-choice here.
• Homemade treats make ace gifts also. For my 21st, my friend Meghan gave me a jar of homemade veggie stock paste and a jar of homemade macadamia butter. It was one of my fave prezzies.
• Give the gift of gut health and green vibes with a cute Aloe Vera pot plant. Your pal can add little snips to their morning smoothie for some gut-soothing love. Farking glorious!

There you have it kiddlets! A farking marvellous list of tips and tricks to reduce soft plastic reliance. Farking share this link on FB, email and any other social platform you farking fancy. Shanks!