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We’ve read the planetary guide to pooping.
And it was good times.
Today, the topic is even more glorious.
The nut (or seed) butter to match your glorious sun (or moon) sign.
It’s no secret that nut butter on life is my motto and honestly, this post has been a long time coming.
The other day, my best friend (and fellow nutritionist) Lana and I decided that the world was ready for an astrological guide to nut butter.
You best believe that we thought long and hard about which nut (or seed) butter best suited each zodiac sign.
Let’s not mess about with small talk.
Without further ado, here’s the list.
Aries March 21st – April 20th
A determined fire sign that is very much ‘full steam ahead’, Aries certainly don’t like to be kept waiting. As such, I can’t imagine they’d gel well with the idea of being rejected by a school’s ‘No Nuts’ Policy. Damn gut dysbiosis messing with children’s immune systems. Poor tree nut-deprived souls.
As such, Lana and I decided that Aries should be represented by creamy roasted sunflower seed butter. Of course, it would be made smoother and creamier with the addition of coconut oil; sweetened with rice malt syrup to neutralise the seedy bitterness; and balanced with a pinch of pink salt, to ensure the flavour profile stands up to the nutty regulars.
Sunflower seeds are rich in zinc, a mineral that activates enzymatic reactions to keep everything working as it should (so efficient, so Aries).
Also fiercely protective, the vitamin E in sunflower seeds shields our cells from inflammatory harm and to demonstrate an Aries’ trademark strength, sunflower seeds are also stupendously rich in protein.
Yep, they/ve got it going on.
Try sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter with banana slices and a sprinkle of cinnamon! Or mix with tahini and spread between two slices of sourdough rye (or Spelt, Oat or Khorasan) bread and add banana slices, blueberries or chopped Medjool dates to make an epic sandwich.
Taurus April 21st – May 21st
Taurus rules the throat – the home of the thyroid.
What does our our thyroid need lots of?
Selenium.
What is the richest source of selenium in our botanical kingdom?
Brazil nuts.
Taurus friends, you are akin to earthy, wholesome Brazil nut butter.
Taurus can be thrifty and cautious with their spending and appropriately, a little butter goes a long way when it’s made from ‘meaty’ Brazil nuts.
In fact, you don’t want to exceed more than 1 Tablespoon (3-6 Brazil nuts) or you may well overdose on Selenium and end up with either vomiting or diarrhoea – your body’s intelligent way of excreting excess selenium to protect you from toxicity. The latter ain’t fun. Believe me, I’m speaking from experience. Oh well, it was a brilliant clear out (TMI?).
If you can’t be trusted to portion control your nut butter (I know I can’t), try blending Brazil nuts 50:50 with peanuts to ‘stretch’ it out.
This pairing tastes brilliant with just about anything, sweet or savoury.
A personal fave of mine is with steamed butternut pumpkin!
PS: Pumpkin with nut butter is life and if you don’t believe me, try it!
Gemini May 22nd – June 22nd
The two-sided sign of the zodiac, Geminis are adventurous and loving but also moody and detached. Keeping these traits in mind, I’m choosing tahini to represent the changeable Gemini spirit.
Tahini offers herself to everything; savoury dips and salad dressing, sweet desserts and porridge bowls, but can also be independent (how very Gemini) and enjoyed straight out of the jar (possibly mixed with a little honey or maple syrup for an extra good time).
Known to balance hormones thanks to her oestrogen-binding plant fibres and essential fatty acids, Tahini is an ideal food for pacifying those trademark Gemini mood swings.
If Tahini by herself tastes too strong for your liking, try blending her with other nut butters, such as coconut, almond and cashew for a creamy liquid crack that tastes delicious with just about anything.
Cancer June 23rd – July 23rd
The most maternal (and second-most sensitive – second only to Pisces) sign of the zodiac, Cancer’s are akin to soft, creamy macadamia butter.
Rich in protective vitamin E and monounsaturated fats to nourish the skin, eating macadamia butter is like receiving a warm, pacifying hug from your mum (or adored mother figure).
When you need a tranquilliser in foodie form, macadamia butter has your back. Try her spread on homemade muffins or dolloped upon this heavenly bowl. Personally, my fave ways to enjoy macadamia butter are with banana and cinnamon for a simple dessert (or late lunch if I’m desperate) or a delightful bowl of cold jasmine rice (resistant starch is ALWAYS a good idea) as a side dish to a vegetable soup or stew.
Leo July 24th – August 23rd
Leos love attention and get a thrill from showing off their wild side.
If anyone is destined for the Hollywood spotlight, it’s a Leo.
As such, we’re going with Inca Inchi seed butter.
For starters, his name sounds exotic, exuding a degree of mystery.
From there, Inca Inchi receives praise for his high fibre content, impressive omega 3 profile and allergy-friendly botanical origin.
It’s not everyday that you find a seed that tastes akin to a peanut. Allergy-sufferers behold! Though if you aren’t allergic to peanuts, a blend of 50:50 Inca Inchi seeds and roasted Aussie peanuts is a match made in foodie heaven. Add a spoonful of coconut oil and hooly dooly, there are no words (just a whole lot of Happy dancing).
Try Inca niche seed butter on fruit bread, dolloped on baked sweet spud or as part of a dressing for steamed veggies.
Virgo August 24th – September 23rd
Practical, health conscious Virgos. Who else should represent your efficient, multi-tasking nature than good ole’ almond butter?
Rich in protein, calcium and magnesium, almonds can prevent cramps all the whilst keeping hair, teeth, bone and nails strong.
Besides, on a versatility level, is there anything almond butter can’t do?
- Mixed with coconut oil and honey for an instant fudge
- Layered thick on toast with blueberries
- Dolloped on sweet spud curry with ALL the coriander
- Stirred into porridge for dairy-free creaminess
- Thinned with olive oil and seasoned with garlic, salt and pepper for an instant veggie dressing.
What a bloody brilliant all-rounder almond butter is! Much like a Virgo.
Libra September 24th – October 23rd
Balancing, beauty-obsessed Libras, you remind me of creamy, versatile cashew butter. Cashews are arguably the most aesthetically-pleasing nut (like little crescent moons) and lower in fat than other nuts, appealing to those who don’t metabolise fat as well as the lay person.
Cashews are also incredible sources of iron and magnesium, essential for sustaining energy levels and balancing blood nutrient status.
The key word here is ‘balance’.
I mean, Libras aren’t symbolised by the scales for no good reason!
Try cashew butter mixed with coconut oil and eaten straight off the spoon when you’re feeling wired, tired and in need of an emotional ‘re-set’. Alternatively, blend cashews 50:50 with macadamias to yield a hormone-pacifying, indulgent risotto-topper.
Perhaps the most amazing tip in this entire post (big statement, but worth it) is the following serving suggestion; cold baked potatoes (skin on) with cashew butter. Try it and thank me later. Remember, cold potatoes are ridiculously beneficial for gut health (the cooked and cooled starch resists digestion in the small intestine and travels to the large intestine where it fuels your friendly bowel flora).
Scorpio October 24th – November 22nd
Poor Scorpios get a bad rap for their intensity and moodiness but at heart, they are loyal, honest and surprisingly witty.
To celebrate their underrated nature, I am comparing Scorpios to Pecan butter; a creamy and sweet blend with a mildly bitter aftertaste (the latter becomes non-detectable once you’ve fallen in love with it).
On the nutritional front, pecans are like most other nuts; a celebrated package of magnesium, protein, essential fatty acids and vitamin E.
Pecan butter shines when mixed with cashew butter and coconut oil. This creamy trio is astonishingly dreamy served with (wait for it) hard boiled eggs. The pairing is ‘dancing-on-the-spot’ exciting but much like a judged book cover, it needs to be experienced to be appreciated.
This nutty metaphor is translatable. When you meet a beautiful Scorpio; don’t judge until you know them in full.
Of course, if you aren’t a fan of boiled eggs, rest assured that Pecan butter is incredible with just about anything; blueberries, pumpkin, bananas, sweet potato, porridge, on toast or apple wedges.
It’s also the perfect way to make any savoury meal sing. I’m partial to adding it to rice, pasta or noodle dishes because nuts and starches are the bomb diggity bomb bomb. That was not a typo, I literally use ‘bomb diggity bomb bomb as an expression of culinary endearment.
Sagittarius November 23rd – December 21st
Sagittarians are often called the children of the zodiac, thanks to their fun-loving nature and free, adventurous spirits.
Not one to argue with astrological generalisations (that’s bull, everyone is unique – but in this case, I’m rolling with it), I am giving glorious Sagittarians the honour of being represented by the butter that is arguably everyone’s favourite (unless they are allergic); Peanut butter.
I mean, what sort of lunatic (again, unless they are allergic) doesn’t appreciate peanut butter?*
- On toast
- In a sandwich
- Added to cookie dough
- Stuffed inside a sweet potato
- With banana (classic!)
- Eaten off the spoon
Peanuts are actually a legume and extraordinarily dense in protein. They’re also rich in B vitamins and, like all nuts, vitamin E.
To get adventurous (a-la Sagittarius), try peanut butter with ginger and raisins or spread top of chocolate mug cake. YASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
*If you don’t like peanut butter we can still be friends. But I will forevermore question your tastebuds. Like, do they have a soul?
Capricorn December 22nd – January 20th
Ahh, practical capricorns.
What would the sorting hat from Harry Potter say?
“Hmmm, I know, better be … walnut butter”.
Walnuts are crazy high in essential fatty acids that fuel a forever-active brain. These same fatty acids are brilliant for balancing hormones and nourishing the skin. Basically walnuts get straight to the point. And what zodiac sign does that remind you of??? #gottaloveacapricorn
Earthy, grounded Capricorns will appreciate that walnut butter can be used at any meal with insanely groovy results;
- On porridge with cinnamon
- In a toasty with roasted veggies and avocado
- Tossed through pulse pasta with pumpkin, broccoli and baby spinach
- Stuffed inside pitted dates
- Dolloped on ripe bananas
- Blend with cashews, pecans and coconut oil for the butteriest butter (great English, Rach) you will ever taste. Whack this fusion butter on cold sweet potatoes and Oh Mama!!! Good times!!!
Aquarius January 21st – February 19th
Aquarians are ahead of their time and take great pride in being gloriously unique. As such, they will hereby be represented by hemp seed butter.
Rich in omega 3 fatty acids, protein and fibre, after years of being ‘illegal’, due to concerns that it could get people stoned (calm down people!), the myth has finally been debunked and we can stop pretending that we’re buying hemp for ‘cosmetic purposes only’.
I guess like Aquarians, hemps seeds were also ahead of their time.
Hemp butter is delicious with cold rice (I’m serious – especially if you add roasted cashews straight from the freezer; they are extra crunchy this way) and smack-bang sensational served with the chocolate foodgasm pudding in Periods, Poo & A Glorious You.
Pisces February 20th to March 20th
Beautiful, sensitive and often misunderstood Pisces are akin to one of the most underrated nut butters around; hazelnut butter.
Whilst some believe that hazelnuts only taste good when paired with chocolate, the truth is, plain hazelnut butter is glorious in her own right.
Loaded with nourishing vitamin E and poo-pushing fibre, this protein-rich botanical makes for a creamy butter that is simply divine served with slices of ripe pear or crisp, sweet apple wedges.
She is absolutely bangers with coconut-oil roasted pumpkin for a nutrient-dense ‘dessert’. Oh, and I highly recommend that you also try her stuffed inside baked sweet spuds or spread on the Bitch Please! Patty Cakes in Periods, Poo & A Glorious You.
