Who is King Poofasa? Let me explain.

Yesterday, I saw Disney’s The Lion King (the original cartoon) for the first time. I’ll give you a moment to recover from the shock. Indeed, for the first 23 years of my life, I was a Lion King virgin. Appalling.

You right?

What’s that?

Oh, come on. It’s not that bad. Besides, my selective cartoon virginity is not the point of this post. It’s the following tale of King Poofasa (Mufasa’s ‘gutsy’ alter-ego) that deserves the limelight (or should I say lion light? No Rach, you really shouldn’t).

What’s Disney got to do (got to do) with Dietetics?

What’s Disney, but cartoon clips in motion?

No seriously Rach, stop being punny. It’s not endearing and this is why you’re single. Ouch ego! But I see your point.

RACHEL GET TO THE POINT!!!!!

Righto. Here’s the analogy.

The Savannah and Your Gut Terrain Ain’t So Different.

Think about it, when everything is in balance, your gut terrain is happy and the Circle of Life keeps circling.

The Elephants trumpet in harmony. Think of this as little toots of fibrous appreciation from your anus. Not terrestrial winds, just friendly flatus letting you know that your colon bugs are getting some action.

The Zebras frolic and graze, just like your colon bugs when they feast on resistant starch and get to work producing poop as though your life depends on it … which it does!

Lions sing Elton John songs and Meerkats dress up in drag.

“Can, You Feel, The Turd, Tonight?”.

“Yeah baby”, croons Mrs Collette Colon Bug to her Sweetheart, Conor Colon Cell.

“Oh Dear, those pepsin enzymes are wearing hula skirts again”.

Then King Poofasa (you see what I did there?) says to the next meal on your plate …

Everything this human interacts with is a part of our kingdom. A poo’s time as King rises and falls like the buttons of a toilet flusher . One day, the toilet will flush down my time here and peristalsis will push you to a place where you will be the next King. But don’t worry, I become the fertiliser than feeds the gardens that grow the veggies. And so, we will always be together.

King Poofasa, Ruler of the Rectum (for now)

Potato Potata

King Poofasa rules a balanced kingdom where folks eat real food.

He resides within a human who eats fermented foods for probiotic goodness – think of this as the earth on which the terrain is set – and eat fibre-rich plant foods to ‘fertilise’ this soil.

In his Kingdom, humans laugh on the daily. They seek sunlight. I suppose this would be a good time to reference the ‘everything the light touches’ scene, but we’ve been there and flushed that, so, moving on. They also get to bed at a reasonable hour and have a non-dependent relationship with their devices. They keep fit in a way that feels good (often taking cues from Timon and Pumba … hula-dancing in the house tonight).

It’s all very Hakuna Matata. Or, as this is a chat about gut health, maybe we could change it to Potato Potata – it means no constipation, for the rest of your days. It’s a clogged-ass-free, philosophy, you know?

Scar, Hyenas and Restrictive Diets

Unfortunately, King Poofasa’s younger brother, Senna (Sen-R, so it rhymes with Scar … you see what I di…. yes Rach, we see what you did there) is jealous of balanced, fibre-rich diets. You see, unless he kills King Poofasa, he’ll never see his glory days. No need to employ a laxative herb when digestion is circling the circle of foodie life on autopilot.

So, Senna tells the hyenas’s (the restrictive diets that never get a look in when a person is balanced and happy) that they will gain popularity when he rules the faecal world.

He brainwashes innocent nutritional scientists, conditioning them to focus on single nutrients from a narrow point of view.

Nutritionist Humour

Sugar feeds candida – even when it comes from carrots.

Fructose damages the liver – even when it comes from banana.

Fat makes you fat (1980-00’s).

No it doesn’t (2010’s).

Only saturated fats.

Nu-uh, we need them. Enter coconut stage right.

No we don’t. Enter vegetable oil, stage left.

Weird urine-blend go home! No amount of labelling can convince us that your unstable, GMO-studded ass is a good idea.

Shut up fools, watch me.

I’m so confused.

Oh look, keto.

Intermittent fasting. It’s so shiny.

It’s a diet. It can’t be shiny.

Don’t throw off my groove.

Hmmm, where has my period gone?

MACADAMIA BUTTER!!!! NOM NOM NOM. Never mind, found it.

But macadamias contain ‘anti-nutrients’.

Oh FFS. That’s it, I quit. Unless, wait! A 10-week challenge? Sign me up.

King Senna

Under the rule of King Senna, your gut bugs are starving. Your liver is burdened. You can’t be bothered cooking because who has time to weigh measure, activate, soak, dehydrate, re-hydrate and sous (da fuck) vide? You’re confused and constipated and you really just want some chickpeas (but alas, they’re not “Paleo”). Think of this as the Savannah drying up and all the animals starving to near-death.

And all it took was one small change. The death of King Poofasa and rise of King Senna. Not quite the kind of toilet flush we had in mind. The restrictive diets are starting to turn on Senna.

“No one can stick to us, they keep hopping from craze to craze. You promised us glory!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha” (interestingly, restrictive diets laugh at crazy high pitches for no good reason as well).

The Moral.

In The Lion King, all it took was the death of Mufasa for everything to turn to Poo (and not in the royal “Poofasa” sense). And yet, all it took was the return of Simba (think of this as a health supply of fibre and sprinkling of probiotics) to restore the balance.

Windy with a Chance of Bloating.

I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows. Starved guts turn into quite the fermentation vats as they restore beneficial bugs to ample levels. Expect windy with a chance of bloating. It’s almost enough to throw in the towel. But soon enough, the skies will clear and a new king will be born (yep, your poop-production line will be back in business).

Pumba in Passing

Look, you won’t fart like Pumba forever, but there might be a few windy days ahead. They – like the gas released as your gut bugs digest those long-lost fibres and repopulate to ample levels – will pass.

The Circle of Life

Let’s re-cap. A healthy gut is a robust Savannah. Glorious poo is Mufasa. The fibre from your (equally as) glorious lunch is Simba. Restrictive diets are Hyenas. Senna (the laxative herb) is Scar. Don’t let Scar win. Keep FTFU (fibre(ing) the eff up). Long Live Poofasa.